


Waiting on the Uncertainty

by VisionaryGalaxy



Series: The Symphony of Our Catastrophe [2]
Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Boys In Love, Charles Being Concerned, Distrust, Don't copy to another site, Drabble, Erik has Issues, M/M, X-Men: First Class (2011)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-30 02:26:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19032871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisionaryGalaxy/pseuds/VisionaryGalaxy
Summary: Drabble about Charles' unease with training the kids to be soldiers.





	Waiting on the Uncertainty

   Charles’ estate was extensive, stretching on for more acres then he could be bothered to recall in that moment, and he planned on taking advantage of it before he lost his mind. He walked away from the mansion briskly, picking a direction at random and forcibly keeping his telepathy wrapped up despite the subtle calls already reaching out to him.

   Soon enough he was slipping between trees and sparse vegetation well out of sight of even the highest windows. Charles pressed a hand to his chest, trying to calm his breathing with one of the innumerable exercises that marked his long history of control. Biting his lip and letting his eyes slide shut, Charles wearily dropped to his knees in the familiar small clearing.

   His ironclad control came back in fits and starts, until nothing was shaken, and nothing could be penetrated despite his emotions. Charles sat back on his heels, head hanging low for a moment as he berated himself for his stupidity.

   The behaviour he had just displayed was childish and far below him. Luckily, the only one who had glimpsed his lapse had been Raven. Her concern had followed him until he was at a reasonable range, her eyes too, though it didn’t draw the attention of the other kids.

   It was idiocy.

   Charles had been getting some fresh air before going back to examine Hank’s blueprints for Alex’s chest piece, when he stumbled upon Erik and the others. They had stood in a loose circle around him as Erik demonstrated some kind of complicated maneuver to get out of a hold from an attacker. He had watched as Raven practiced with Cassidy, whom she easily broke away from with a wide, eager grin.

   It was difficult to explain. Charles wasn’t as naïve as Erik like to constantly point out and he was well aware that all the training they were doing here was for the sole purpose of stopping Shaw and aiding Moira. He knew that, he understood that, but it didn’t change the sickening feeling in his gut as he watched the display of self-defence.

   They were children. Legal adult yes but utterly ignorant to the world and the horrors that seeped within, the ones he’d seen in Erik’s head, in Emma’s. The last thing he wanted was to be responsible for setting them down a path that would inevitably lead to violence, hatred, even guilt. And it _was_ his responsibility, having taken them under his wing and actively training them for this mission.

   The reality of it had simply decided to hit him in the face and now he just needed to breathe and remind himself that Erik’s way wasn’t the only one. If only he could convince that man of it as well, before they left for Shaw.

   “Charles?”

   His head snapped up, startled by the familiar voice and his telepathy’s failure to catch the approach. Glancing behind himself, he spotted Erik shoving aside the ferns and making his way into the small quiet clearing. It was nice, almost picturesque and had been a favourite hiding place of his and Raven’s, “come have seat Erik.”

   Hesitation rippled on the surface of his mind, “there’s a lot we need-”

   “They can handle a small break I think.”

   It took a moment but finally Erik came forward and sat next to him, forearms resting on his knees and those steady eyes on him with a focus that was almost unsettling if he wasn’t used to it by now.

   Silence but for the chirping of the birds and gentle rustle of leaves in the wind. Charles didn’t have anything to say that Erik wouldn’t vehemently disagree with. He never minded those discussions, however, finding them enlightening when he couldn’t simply dip into the other man’s mind without gaining great offense.

   “Charles-”

   “I think I made a mistake.”

   Erik stilled next to him, “a mistake?”

   Charles looked over at his friend. Well…they were more then that now really. Sex was hardly an indicator of something deeper, more profound, but he couldn’t deny that there was something about the man that was sat next to him that was intoxicating. Erik was an enigma and yet completely transparent with the sheer strength of his emotions and belief. Charles wished he had all the time in the world to unpuzzle him, to show him just how much greatness lurked beneath the surface.

   But he wasn’t a fool either, “I agreed to help the C.I.A to stop a threat but I never wanted to recruit soldiers. I wanted to help them.”

   One of Erik’s arms slid off his knee, coming to rest in the grass, picking at the strands only a foot away from Charles’ own, “this _is_ helping them. They’re learning about their abilities and how to protect themselves in a world that is dangerous for them.”

   “They’re too young,” Charles murmured.

   “I was younger.”

   Erik wasn’t looking at him anymore, eyes drifting toward the forest and quickly becoming consumed by dark thoughts. Charles could sense the gravity of them even withholding his power. He quietly took his hand, startling the man back to the present, and offered a weak smile.

   “We should get back.”

   A frown glanced across Erik’s lips, a question hovering on the edge of his mind for a long moment before drifting away. Charles wasn’t about to start that kind of conversation out here in the open, was well-aware Erik wasn’t ready to go any deeper than the comments such as those and the images Charles had seen that first night.

   Erik’s hand tightened around his as he stood, pulling Charles up after him with a quick tug. The man didn’t let go of his hand as they slowly made their way back and for the first time there was a moment of disquiet in his mind. No, Charles wasn’t stupid. He had been pulling back, away from Erik once they had all gotten to the mansion. It was obvious now that Erik had caught on at some point.

   Erik didn’t trust him. That was fine except for the fact that Charles had his own suspicions about Erik’s plans for Shaw and they couldn’t be tolerated. It was more important now then ever that Charles makes him understand that there is more then violence, more then suffering and fighting, more ways to make a better world then sacrificing your humanity.

   As the mansion came in to view between the trees, Charles felt the responsibility weight down on him, the sheer goliath that was the task he’d given himself. The only thing worse was the twinge of loneliness in his gut that he hadn’t felt since he was child.

   Erik’s hand slipped out of his, but he stayed close. Smiling faces of the young people he’d sworn to help greeted their return. Raven’s steady eyes followed him as they neared the gathering. It had to be worth it. They needed him and whether or not Charles felt up to the task was inconsequential.

   If he couldn’t believe in a better way then how could he expect any of them, let alone Erik, to do the same?


End file.
